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Communication is the principal building block of any relationship, but communication isn't just about expressing a thought. It's also about understanding what your partner is saying and conveying, back to them, that you understand. Remember, every person has an inner need to be heard and understood. Understanding alone will not resolve gender differences. Men and women also need to develop skills appropriate for effective communication and understanding. An excellent resource in this is John Gray's best-selling book Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. Gray outlines 10 common complaints that are easily misinterpreted, and why men pull away when women get too close, the secret reasons why men and women argue, and how to communicate difficult feelings. As you seek to better understand and communicate with the opposite sex, whether it be in the boardroom, the bedroom or bistro, try these helpful suggestions: 1. Listen carefully to what is being said. Pay attention to how it is said. Try to empathise with the other person and hear the total communication (both verbal and nonverbal). This will give you a great chance to connect with the feeling and the meaning behind the words being expressed. 2. Listen with your mouth shut. In other words, don't interrupt the other person until you have heard all the story. Give the other person time to make themselves clearly understood. 3. Before responding, check out with the other person what you heard them say. This will help you to clarify whether you really heard and understood what they said, and how they feel about what they said. Don't assume you received their message. Check it out before jumping to any conclusions. 4. When you give your response, be clear, honest and concise about what you think, feel or want. Be aware, however, that being totally honest can sometimes be destructive to a relationship. 5. Remain open to further dialogue as you both seek to arrive at a clear understanding and appreciation of what it is you both want, need or agree to do. You may even profit from asking the other person something like, "What do you want from me?" 6. Recognise and "celebrate" your differences. Don't let them become a barrier to your understanding each other or an obstacle to intimacy. 7. Be committed to helping each other learn the skill of effective communication. Model good relational skills and you will enhance your understanding of each other, and help the relationship to grow stronger. |